We Don't Have A Joke Thread....Here's One!!

[Onepoint]

What's the 1st rule of Vegan fight club?



Tell everyone about Vegan fight club.

[Onepoint]

Have you heard the joke about the cure for the corona virus...?


It's a riot.

[Frazz]

"What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!"

[balsum fractus]

Drew Carey's best one liner:  " yes, like steak sauce in India, the points don't matter."

[stetto]

What do they call the first beautiful, warm sunny day after three solid days of cold, snotty rain in Minnesota?


Monday...

[Frazz]

I was in the McDonald's drive-through the other morning and the young lady behind me honked at me; very upset because I was taking too long to pay. "Wow. Take the high road," I thought to myself. So, I paid for her food too.

As I moved up, she leaned out the window looking all crazy at me, because the cashier told her I had paid for her food order. She felt embarrassed.

When I got to the second window to get my food, I showed them both receipts and took her food too. I paid for it - it was mine!

Now she has to go back through the line again and wait even longer. She's gonna learn today you just don't mess with us old people.

[jetmex]

A mime broke his left arm in a bar fight and got arrested.

He still has his right to remain silent.

[balsum fractus]

What song do romantic fish sing?
.
.
.
.
Salmon-chanted evening

[balsum fractus]

What do sardines call a submarine??
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
A can of people

😅😂

[jetmex]

A bald eagle's health was failing, so zookeeper Emma was hired to look after it.

The funding came from an ill eagle Emma grant....

[Onepoint]

DR: "Relax David, its just a minor surgery"

Patient:  "But my name isn't David?!"

DR: "I know, I'm David"

[balsum fractus]

Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you'd   expect from a Jedi Master.
Anyway, poor old Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself. Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, "Use the forks, Luke."

[Frazz]

Have you all noticed, that since beauty salons are closed, selfies are down 89%?

[balsum fractus]

An Italian Boy's Confession

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"

"'Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads!"

[Frazz]

My wife wanted to enter the Spring Baking Championship.



So I bought her a box of springs and said , "Have at it!"