We Don't Have A Joke Thread....Here's One!!

[Onepoint]

That's about as bad as the one I heard a while back,  "FL man was arrested for playing music in the street, he was charged with sax trafficking."

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Whats the difference between a rabbit and a plum?
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They are both purple, except the rabbit!
🤣😂🤣😂☺️

[Onepoint]

I bet that one gets funnier and funnier the deeper the night gets in margaritas. 

[balsum fractus]

You will have to let me know.....🤣



Meanwhile, here is another one:

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
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................A FSH !

[Onepoint]

So apparently, the company that makes yardsticks is not going to be making them any longer.

[Onepoint]

I remember the 1st time I saw a universal remote, I thought, well this changes everything.

[balsum fractus]

Father O'Malley was a priest in a small rural community. The river that ran through the community was beginning to flood, and residents were ordered to evacuate.
"Come with us...save yourself" cried the local parishioners.
"Save yourselves" replied Father O'Malley " the Lord will save me."

The parishioners left. The river rose steadily. Father O'Malley found himself on the porch ankle deep in flood water when a a man came by in a row boat.
"Jump in Father!" The man exclaimed, " I'll save you!"
"Go save someone else.." Father O'Malley replied " the Lord will save me!"

The man in the boat rowed away. The flood waters continued to rise. Father O'Malley climbed up on the top of the roof of the church, just barely above the churning flood waters.
A Coast Guard rescue boat roared up.
"Jump in Father," the crew cried " we'll save you!"
"Go save someone else" the Father replied, " the Lord will save me!"

The rescue boat roared away. The waters continued to rise. Father O'Malley clung to the very top of the church steeple, with the swirling flood waters lapping at his feet.
A rescue helicopter appeared overhead and lowered a rope.
"Grab the rope Father!" The crew exclaimed, "we'll save you!"
" go save someone else" Father replied, " the Lord will save me"

The helicopter left; the flood water continued to rise, and Father O'Malley drowned............

...a short while later, a very soggy Father O'Malley arrives at the Pearly Gates.
"I must speak with the Lord" he exclaimed to St Peter....
"I imagine you do," replied St Peter, " He has being expecting you..."
In the presence of the Lord, Father O'Malley begins his plea.....
" Oh Lord, I have dedicated my whole life to serving you. Why did you let me drown?"

"You idiot!" Replied the Lord " I sent two boats and a helicopter, and you wouldn't get on!"

[Onepoint]

A husband walked into the bedroom to find his wife packing a suitcase.

He asked, "what are you doing?"

She replied "I'm moving to New York City. They pay prostitutes there $400 to do what I do for you for nothing!"

The husband starts packing his suitcase.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

He replied, "With you",  I want to see you live on $800 a year."

[Onepoint]

hide the tea 

[balsum fractus]

What is Forrest Gump's password ?



1Forrest1


😄😄🙄

[Onepoint]

I bet they are wily

[stetto]

Slightly NSFW

What's the worst thing a girl could possibly hear while giving Willie Nelson oral sex?



"I'm not Willie Nelson"

[Onepoint]

Its been a while for this thread, but this one made me laugh

[Onepoint]

An oldie but goodie

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community.
The Pillsbury Dougboy died yesterday in Minneapolis of a yeast infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes in the belly.  He was 71.

Dougboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin.  Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies and Captain Crunch.  The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Dougboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Born and bread in Minnesota., Dougboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life  was filled with turnovers.   He was not regarded as a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and served as a positive roll model for millions.

Dougboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, three children:  John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough, plus they had  one in the oven    He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 degrees for about 20 minutes

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Hey Honcho!!


https://youtu.be/m_MaJDK3VNE