...There sits Carl, in his lazyboy with a glass of Templeton Rye in his hand, thinking. Thinking this is pretty good jet fuel I'm sipping on. Which then reminded him of ole Jetmex. So he calls jetmex up and...
.......did you ever meet the dogcatcher?....
...He was out catching dogs, when he ran across a...
another guy from Texas who was out herding rattlesnakes for fun. He looked at his watch and said "Roger, its time to...
...take a moment to really soak up the local...
...brews, but he imbibed a little to much and...
Got talked into eating an oyster a la Moon Pie..........
...at the neighborhood Big Mike's Deep Fried Moonpies and...
Fresh shucked oysters, they were so fresh....
...goooey and slimey....but they went down good he said....
shucks, let's go fishin' and he caught...
a dose of the creepin' crud, which can only be cured by...
visiting Mabels house of...
Chocolate, Fine liquor and auto parts in which you can get...
a whole bunch of S&H Greenstamps which you can redeem for...
US Army surplus 8-track tapes of the Best of the Golden 50s TV Theme Songs and a large....
....flock of house trained gophers carrying "Protect the Rodents!" and "Rodents are furry forest creatures too!" placards.......
...which are manufactured by the furry rodent union in an environmentally friendly factory in Kuala Lumpur which only uses organic placard stuff. Meanwhile, Jetmex, who was still busy scrounging jet fuel for Frazz, discovered that....
...he could make a killing on the deal because Frazz didn't know jet fuel from....
...apple cider, which he though he was imbibing but was really, high octane gas which when he lit his cigar....
...set his crops on fire which turned out to be a good thing as he inadvertently wiped out the flock of furry gophers and....
learned a valuable life lesson on jet fuel and high octane. However, down in Mexico a few years ago at a tequila factory, there were samples of tequila in various stages of ripeness, and that first stage tasted like...
...that spray sealer stuff you use to make screen doors into boats. It proved to be too hard to get into those little airline size bottles, so....
he stuffed his pockets with the junk that's left over when you...
....Scrape a septic tank. The fumes were so bad, they wouldn't let him........
...in Hooters, which was a shame because he missed all the ...
visuals that the servers were showing, which was...
Kinda heartbreaking, 'cause they don't dress Hooters girls like Hooters girls anymore, more like Frazz's....
....hero Junior Samples....
(http://kxrb.com/files/2014/02/junior_roy_you_tube_screen.png)
so Frazz takes one look inside the front door of that restaurant and hightails it outta there, and swears he is never....
...going shopping for women underwear again, because...
S&H stamps dropped them from the order site, and they were granny panties anyway, but Onepoint, out in one of his sheds, has a secret stash of...
Hay feeder patches cut in the shape of....
..airplanes, because of the tendency of hayfeeders to get that shaped holes for some reason, he was thinking of patenting them, but found they are exclusive to WY because...
...one of them got loose and mated with a drunk Canadian moose, who was somehow related to Nony, which resulted in....
......stunned silence from the smoked meat operator..
MEANWHILE, as it turned out after Nony woke from a spiced brisket induced nap, he turned on the tv to see....
an aarp ad that featured an item that he was really wanting, so...
......forgot what he wanted, and went back to sleep. Meanwhile in deepest, darkest Texas......
...there are pigs to fill the freezers, and Carl ain't no patient man when it comes to...
....it comes to pigs and drunk Canadian mooses. So, when he opened the freezer to check on said pigs and mooses, he was horrified to find out that....
Jetmex was in there smoking cigars, trying to smoke the meat...
..but upon discovering that he couldn't get the meat to light (he was, after all, an ex Marlboro man) no matter what he did, he stormed out of the freezer, moose and pigs in tow, and....
taught them how to play musical instruments, which went like this... https://youtu.be/3c7bISLhVl8 (https://youtu.be/3c7bISLhVl8)
...Which got the dogs howling, and the neighbors yelling and pretty soon the cops showed up and...
(I love the comment in the video that Metallica did a great cover of this bluegrass classic. :icon_lol: Ironically, I just watched a couple Ukrainian guys do symphonic covers with cellos of several AS/DC songs the other night. )
...upon hearing the Jetmex Moose Pig Dirt Band, the head cop, who looked remarkably like Dee Snider, offered the band a gig in Las Vegas, where Stetto, unable to get a gig because he lost the cord to his guitar pick, asked Jetmex if.........
....... could borrow his shoe laces so he could perform the ancient Minnesotan ritual of.......
flossing his ears out by running the lace
....through his nose and out his....
...earball, except he lost an end and ....
heard a tune when he pulled it back and forth
......suddenly, the clock struck midnight. 🕰
Sitting there in a cold sweat, Carl thought " Man oh man was that some good jet fuel. The only thing I think I missed was Nony pulling out his accordion and"...
....playing the Canadian polka version of Great White North, which, because the accordion was missing a few keys, sounded more like....
....a sketchy cover of Stompin' Tom Connors "a good ol' hockey game" - one of Fraz's all time favorite tunes......
...which caused a stir among the VFW ladies auxiliary, because Frazz was headbanging to the tune when...
...his falsies fell out of his...
Face, which caused....
...Nony to snort and chuckle, missing a couple keys on the accordion, that sounded like medley of wounded whale sounds that woke the retired Greenpeace boat captain from his near slumber in the corner, suddenly going into a flashback of...
...racing around the wheelhouse looking for a length of hemp rope that had caught fire, getting the crew and passengers of the Titanic...
Gopher hill in Honcho's front yard....
That were as tall as a hay feeder, which caused......
...the gopher, who was afraid of heights and vaguely resembled Stetto, to start tunneling into Honcho's house, where he ran into a.....
..a safe room, which looked eerily similar to Burt Gummers, because you can just never be too prepared for giant worms or ...
...the impending zombie apcalypse, where Nony was making boucou bucks teaching....
...zombies to sing the Canadian national anthem while playing the ukulele, which sounded sort of like.....
the mating call of the arctic snow snake, which kills more people yearly than all the poisonous snakes in the world combined.......
Except of the deadly Texas Jalapeno snake, which Jetmex raises for fun and profit......
...(mostly for profit) until the Canadian Mounties, who were looking for a Texas Jalapeno snake to be their mascot, found out that red wool uniforms don't do well in Texas and....
Fortunately due to the unseasonably cold Texas winter, they felt right at home, but no snakes to be found, so they headed to Kansas.....
to surf the waves and look at the beach babes, which were dressed like...
Ellie Mae Clampett in her best.....
.....but since there are no beaches in the Arctic, they didn't know what they were looking for, until a rancher driving a hay truck gave them directions to.....
the vocal auto-tune unit that Carl keeps in his pickemup truck, so now he can...
...Yodel, and though he thinks make him sound like Slim Whitman like his buddies tell him and encourage him to sing, actually draws coyotes in, but he got suspicious when...
he cut the cheese and it played (in perfect tune)
...the Riccola jingle. Since his throat was fine, he....
...suspected that the Canadian Mounted Ukulele Playing Zombies were conspiring with the snake loving Texans to....
hire Rebecca Black as their...
...first search engine entry of the day, then....
.....the computer crashed, replacing (after it rebooted) Rebecca Black with Pebbles the Comfort Hamster, who, after being flushed, managed to escape from the airplane and ....
Find safe haven in a Fuzzy's Tacos, where they...
got thirsty and went out looking for...
...margaitas, but when the bartender saw pebbles, he said we don't serve that kind in here, you'll have to take that snowflake out side, then they....
all went to hooters for supper and someone said hey, look at those...
...hooters, which turned out to be a flock of Canadian beer geese, who heard that Stetto had a large supply of....
musicians wrapping paper...
.....which to his surprise and delight featured Bill Withers and his A&P band playing at the local hanger featuring a special half time show by Jetmex and his Exotic Snakes dancing to Perry Como's latest....
rap hit, which is about as popular as this thread has gotten
...though everyone involved knows that you Can't. Rush. Art.
...then, with that motivational tidbit tucked snugly into the back of everyone's absent little minds, the FUBAR crew set about to....
Schedule another gathering at the best little dirt airstrip in all of Hawk Springs Wyoming...
"Great idea!!" They all thought, but where........?
...the hay feeder? Turns out the hay feeder was taken away after being investigated by the FBI for terroristic threats to airplanes. so the fubar crew knowing it was now safe decided .....
...that being as the sole flight challenge was eliminated, they'd...
....celebrate by having the third sort of annual Fubar Hill Fly-In, Barn Pole Dance and Barbeque, which was going wonderfully until......
The smoked brisket was ready......
...and Honcho discovered it wasn't really brisket, it was....
...basket, and everyone had....
..Just eaten the laundry, which actually wasn't bad since Carl can smoke about anything and make it taste good, but now the fubar clan discovered they were going to have to be nekid if they washed their clothes, and the .....
...laundry water, being piped in from someplace just below the arctic circle, caused everyone to...
...try the bar-b-qued Tide Pods, that really had that....
"soap"apilla taste. For dessert they should try the toilet wax sealer bundt cake for something new, as it
..is cheap, easy to find, tastes great, comes in dozens of yummy flavors and be customized to fit your....
wife's finest china. Jetmex decided to try it first with the china, and when his wife...
...saw him dribbling Tide foam into her best gravy tureen, she.....
....after yelling at Frazz for not sending BBQ Tide pods to her, too, commenced to doing the conniption dance, which looked sorta like Stetto trying to.....
Hula to polka music, which got the interest of nearby moose who thought maybe ...
Stetto was trying to moon them, which made the moose...
...laugh so hysterically that Carl, out hunting down hogs, mistook him for a....
Hillbilly circus bear juggling bananas while riding a Harley moped on his way to.....
...big moped rally in Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, where, after winning the burnout contest, he decided to use the trophy for a ....
....trade for a round trip ticket to the Wyoming cow popping fest......
.. where one can only experience the fun and exhilaration of walking through pastures day and night looking for little ...
all beef patties, but these were made of...
...toe jam laced with belly button lint and a hint of...
Hay feeder fragments from....
....which were there from an unfortunate collision with....
The north end of a south bound Amish taxi, which resulted in not just some unexpected fine furniture, but also....
....a bunch of weird people with beards and funny hats pounding on Stetto's door asking for.....
...a better class of add-a-phrase story, so he...
.....got out his Funk and Wagnell's and turned to page 429, which read.....
.....verrrrrrry interrrrestink. But schtupid. Next to that was a picture of....
.....crop circles out near the Fubar Spatula Emporium.......
with a like button imprinted on a fence post that when you push it...
...it pushes back, creating the impression that....
...the fence post likes you, which may not be true because everyone knows that fence posts are....
...mean spirited little bastiges, related to hayfeeders and like to...
......perteck thar kinfolk speshully when one of thar own haz bin greevusly injurd by a model.......
..and even though had it coming, retribution caused a clan war, with talk of allying with prairiedogs who everyone knows are little jihadists and have....
...formed a military alliance with the gophers, who are now trying to tunnel into Stetto's house to find out if he really does have a .....
basement full of gold and 100$ bills stashed down there...
...like his daughter and now most of her friends believe....Stetto wishes it were true, because...
....what was really down there was something the gophers had been looking for for years to prove the theory that....
The world is flat and that Wyoming actually exists, which is currently claimed as 'junk science' by the international beaver board, who claim that....
Carl is still sipping on that jet fuel. By now, he should be in the mood to...
.....finish the rock opera that he started back in high school if only he could find his notes, which he thought he left on......
the stone tablets...
...that were on the picnic table in the back yard until the prairie dogs got them and Carl's jet fuel, which they used to make a....
...sour mash that everyone else could enjoy as well, but Carl found out and had a....
..triple intregal differential equation that needed to be solved, so he asked resident math guru and chief goat milker.....
how many times have you milked that goat? Then the next question was ...
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladened swallow?
well, now, it is approximately 24 mph if anyone is interested, which is about the speed of...
..a pair of socks tumbling around in a drier at the Fubar laundry mart, right next to......
....Stetto's Bar, Grill, Gunsmith, Motorcycle Shop, Haberdashery and Lingerie, where the special of the day turned out to be...
Nostalgia and Birthday cake, which is somewhat different than the customary grumpy curmudgeonry and wine in the establishment that its known for, that and....
The shopping cart demolition derby held every Wednesday afternoon in the parking lot beside the Decibel Metal Music and Daycare Center......
Meanwhile, in deepest, darkest Wyoming........
....the prairie dogs, mutated by Carl's jet fuel sour mash whiskey stuff, had armed themselves with fully automatic Nerf guns and were plotting to....
...wreak havoc with the small pocket gopher community, who had a healthy aversion to...
....swathers, bailers, and all things mechanical.....although they were stangely attracted to an airplane shaped dent in.......
...Plane eating hay feeders, and seemed to take joy in making mounds around plane shaped divots, which annoyed the prairiedogs who were setting up ambushes for...
The gathering throngs of people who were giddy with anticipation of the anniversary of the great hay feeder sacrifice...or more commonly known as the KrispyKreme fest held every......
....every other third Sunday after high tide following the full moon over Jupiter or whenever Honcho woke up to make the doughnuts. This time, however, the prairie dogs, having already wreaked havoc with the gophers, ran out of ammo and had to.....
Eat much roughage to manufacture more, though the ammo they created was the wrong caliber for the Nerf guns, so they...
Made use of the abundant supply of cow patties to create chemical warfare nerf ammo. Their leader, Rocko, had a cunning plan......
...to take over the world by increasing cow emissions by filling the hay feeders with....
...hog bipe fuel, which added nitro to the already methane-rich baled grass the Honcho used to...
.....build a wall along the state line to keep them furriners from Nebraska away from his "precious".....
Which they keep trying to steal, fortunately Trixie the milk cow is not very portable, though the Uruks from mordor Lyman mass along the border anyway waiting for their chance when they...
......kidnap a bar of soap, and hold it for ransom....
.....not realizing that it belonged to one of the Nerf gun wielding prairie dogs, who was pissed off enough to.....
Skip his bubble bath, and called a meeting with the Prairie Dogs to put aside their differences, for there was a far greater threat looming - Stetto's Volcanic habanero 9 bean afterburner chilli !!
...which was developed using a super-secret mutation of an already unhealthy spicy pod called the Aji...
(https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/36992526_489399244842699_2221719456176930816_n.jpg?_nc_cat=0&oh=d0ab4d409f8435382586970ca5873205&oe=5BE4B24E)
...that when dropped into a 55 gallon barrel of Bartle's and James results in a......
...soggy aji pod, and a drum of paint remover which....
...after being painted on a well-collided-with hay feeder, tasted just like....
.....the meat by-products left by the gophers outside the prairie dog holes. Slightly annoyed and having restocked on organic Nerf ammo, the prairie dogs decided to....
Go to Nebraska hunting for geoducks......
in Stetto's pickemup truck. But he should have bought a Prius because...
Herr Fraz hast gibben der highest rekkomend to und vhile he hast bin cuuten der vheat mit der gesharvester, he hast meny grrrreat idees.......